Treading water
by BassoonistSpex
Summary: His eyes were dull, empty. Just like they had been that time... The time I couldn't think about. Edward and Alice run away, leaving Bella treading water, trying not to drown in guilt and fear... BellaxJasper and EdwardxAlice. Plus a really bad summary
1. Chapter 1

_OK, so this is my first fiction and I never have been particularly good at writing stories so please give helpful reviews and don't be too judgmental :)_

_I own nothing of Twilight :( Stephenie Meyer got there first._

_Oh yeah, sorry that it's so short but it looked much longer on Word!  
_

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The present

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I've been here before. The overwhelming feeling of grief. The hole opening inside my heart. The knife tearing me apart. Edward is gone. For good this time. I should know - it was me that killed him. Renesmee looks up at me, her warm brown eyes full of concern. Jacob's eyes mirror hers, as usual. It is a week since Edward and Alice's deaths and my daughter and my son-in-law are the only ones I have allowed myself to see. Them and my love. Edward was the love of my life. HE is the love of my existence.

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Three weeks earlier

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Edward wrapped his arms around me, kissing my neck affectionately. 

"Happy Birthday"  He breathed in my ear. It was indeed my birthday - my 24th in theory , although I was stuck forever at eighteen. There was something wrong in his embrace, too tight, too desparate. Too final. I twisted in his arms so I could see his perfect, godlike face, and I froze. His eyes were dull, empty. Just like they had been that time...

The time I couldn't think about.

I just needed to know. Of course Edward wouldn't leave me again - had he seen what happened last time? I needed to be sure. But what to say?

"Edward...?"  I tried.

He looked down at me. If I still had a heartbeat, it would have stopped in fear. 

"What?" His voice was flat and empty, just like his eyes. Just like it had been last time.

"You will... tell me? You know... if you... need to go anywhere. Without me." Even after just over five years of being a glorious immortal the absence of a blush was unnerving. 

"Of course I will, love. Anything for you." But there was no conviction in his words, none of the passion we had shared for what seemed like forever. It worried me.

The day carried on. The day which I had once described as the first and last day of forever. I couldn't help but think that the end had come, that the day was over. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even notice Edward leave.

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The morning after

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"Bella?" I recognised that voice. That beautiful, wonderful voice. It occurred to me that a married woman (in the very loose sense of the word) should not be thinking such impure things about anyone but her husband. If I was still human, I would be blushing, and he knew it. He knew how I felt about him. He knew everything. 

"Bella?" The voice again, sounding slightly worried this time. In some distant corner of my brain, I registered that he was talking to me. It took a monumentous amount of effort to turn my head and look at his face.

Jasper Hale looked back at me, his golden eyes smoldering with concern, and... something else which I couldn't quite place. Fear, I realised eventually. Of what? Jasper had nothing to be scared of. Except me. 

"Mmm?" That face... 

"Bella, please concentrate. I am trying very hard to keep it together right now, and you are really not helping."  

"Hmm?"

"Edward and Alice left last night."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Together." 

"And?"  

"And they're not coming back!" Jasper exploded. That woke me up. 

"WHAT?" My mind was flying in a million different directions, trying to think of any excuse for them to do something like that except for the obvious. I didn't want to think about that . 

"They left a note." Jasper sounded as bad as I felt. A wave of emotions swept through me. Yes, I was sad but... did I need Edward when I had Jasper? I felt bad for all the wrong reasons - I didn't mind Edward leaving... I... wanted him to. I almost screamed at myself for thinking that. I loved Edward! I was married to him! We had a child! He was meant to love me. And he didn't.

He had done me a favour really. I had been in the whole Edward/Jacob situation again, but with Jasper this time. But now I didn't have to choose - Edward had chosen for me. He had made his feelings towards both me and Alice crystal clear in one action. Whatever came to him or me now would be his doing.

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_So... that was dire. Please tell me how to get better!_

_Also, any ideas on how Bella actually finds Edward? I was thinking possibly Dimitri changing sides or Alistair coming back..._

_I have no idea where I'm going with this!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey everybody! Sorry it's taken so long to update - a lack of imagination and free time is to blame I think.  
I'm not sure I like this chapter as much as the first one... oh well. It's my own fault I suppose._

_Oh yeah, speaking of a lack of imagination - I NEED HELP! (see bottom of chapter)  
_

_All these wonderful characters belong to the equally wonderful Stephenie Meyer.  
_

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JPOV

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Present  
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At least Bella has a worthwhile gift. What good is empathy? She can protect her loved ones. I can just make them feel better. Like she once said - I make people feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling their guts. I'm useless, helpless. A few years ago, Bells was practicing pushing her shield out and she discovered that if she pushes hard enough she can protect her body as well as her mind, making all vampiric gifts useless. She has shut us all out and refused all help. She is alone, and that pains me. But what can I do except watch?

Renesmee is there, with her head on her mother's lap and Jacob is just behind her, surrounded by love and concern for both of them. Love is such a beautiful emotion, a soft light pink. I remember how happy I was when I saw Bella together with this colour, but not aimed at Edward. The moment I discovered she loved me as I love her. She is moving now, for the first time in a week. Turning her head. Her eyes meet mine, and she drops her shield.

The emotions surrounding her are too painful for me to bear, there is a bloodcurdling screaming coming from somewhere I can't quite place. Bella's emotions immediately turn to concern, worry and an undertone of panic. I realise the screaming is coming from my own mouth. I try to stop it but I can't, I just can't stop screaming...  
Suddenly, all pain is gone. Bella has closed her mind again, and I start to think, to bring up all the images I had tried to shut out...

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Three weeks earlier  
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Bella's birthday. I am trying not to get too close or do anything to make Edward suspicious so I'm staying in the main house with Alice and planning Bella's surprise party. Suddenly, Alice's emotions dissappeared. It had made me panic like mad the first time that happened, but I was used to it by now. It meant that she was not in the right time. Her emotion was as back as quickly as it had gone.

They were different emotions though. Just before the vision, Alice had been happy and excited... almost apprehensive. I put it all down to the party. How stupid of me. After the vision, it had all changed. The bright yellow of happiness had shifted into the silver-grey of confusion. The beautiful orange of excitement had shifted into the deep red of fear. Worst of all, her love towards me turned into the cold, ice-blue colour of hate.  
Alice, whom I had loved for so many years, turned on her heel and walked away without a backward glance. It dawned on me that this was probably the last time I would see her.  
"Alice?" I tried "Alice! Don't leave me! Please?" My voice had faded away, leaving the last word as more of a question than a real word. She turned, still without a sound, and sent a wave of remorse and love towards me.  
"I love you," She said. I knew how she meant it. It was the love you felt for a brother, not a husband. The same love she felt for Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose and Bella. I wasn't so sure about Edward though. Alice's love for him had been changing, softening into the pale pink of partnership love instead of the crude, bright pink of family love.

I hit myself. Of course! Edward's love had been doing the same thing! They would be out of the country by now. Damn. I should have seen...

I raced into our room, ignoring Esme's shock and concern. I didn't have time to explain. Just as I thought, there were two notes on the sofa that was where most people would have a bed. Hands shaking, I walked towards them. The first one was on Alice's favourite cushion and was addressed to Mrs. Isabella Cullen. Odd. None of our family had ever called her 'Isabella' before.  
On my favourite cushion lay the other note. I walked as slowly as I could towards it, but I was still there too soon.

The envelope was spotless, with 'Jazz' written exactly in the centre in a black fountain pen to contrast perfectly with the white paper. Always the perfectionist. I smiled fondly, then reached for the envelope. I sniffed it, breathing in Alice's scent for what might have been the last time, and then I took a deep breath and opened it. Just three words. The three words that everyone wants to receive in a letter.

_I love you._

And that was it. It was all she had left to say.

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The morning after  
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"Bella?" No response. Odd, I thought. I knew she was there. I had become too aware of my brother's wife. I went into the dining room, where she was just sitting at the table and staring into space. Embarrassment crept through her shield, proving my theory on the absentmindedness. I wished I knew her thoughts - it felt like they would be quite interesting at this moment in time. If she still could, she would be blushing. If only Edward could tell me what was on her mind...  
Edward.

"Bella?" I asked nervously. She didn't seem to be able to move. I wondered briefly if slapping her would help, then realised that I could never hit something that beautiful and perfect. I started to get scared, feeling my own fear, and then she stirred. She turned slowly to look up at me. Bella Swan. Cullen, rather. The most perfect woman (or variation thereupon) in the entire universe.

"Mmm?" She was still distracted by something. Me, possibly.

I decided to give her the hard, painful truth. "Bella, please concentrate. I am trying very hard to keep it together right now, and you are really not helping."  
"Hmm?"  
"Edward and Alice left last night."  
"What's wrong with that?" It was turning out more difficult than I had imagined. Bella is so impossible - first one to piece things together at one moment, and last the next.  
"Together."  
"And?"  
"And they're not coming back!" There. I had said it.

She suddenly became much more alert, startled by my outburst.  
"WHAT?" Her mind flashed through the whole spectrum and more, trying desperately to sort out her thoughts and emotions. I wanted to help, but I could do nothing. As soon as she was far away all of this would come back anyway and it was better that she dealt with it as soon as possible.

"They left a note." My own voice sounded fake. Too lost, too empty. I wasn't either. I was completely blissful by Bella's side. Once I had looked into her eyes I realised that I didn't need Alice.

A wave of emotion swept through her. Sadness, doubt, guilt (Why? I couldn't understand.), anger - but at herself not them, and, finally, relief. Relief is a beautiful emotion. Pale yellow, like the light at the end of a tunnel. Bella had found her light now.

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_Hope you liked it! Please review :)  
(It's the big white button down there)_

_Oh yeah, my problem! Almost forgot to put that in here... oops.  
Anyway, yes Bella is going to find Edward and Alice but I DON"T KNOW HOW! I asked in Chapter one but didn't get any ideas. Please help! Deimitri, Alistair or a completely new character? Or do they come back to apologise? Or does Bella find them by herself? Maybe her shield is so developed now that she can find the people she keeps out???_ Ideas, people, please!!!!! Mass _panic here!  
Umm... I think I'd better shut up now. :)_


	3. The letter

_Umm... hi. Sorry it's taken so long to update - no-one reviewed and I got sad :(_

_  
I've decided to stop writing if only Red reviews cos I'm sorry, love you loads, but I'd feel a bit of an idiot writing a story for only one person. Especially when I could just give it to you at school =]  
_

_All these wonderful (some evil - yes, I mean you Edward Cullen...) characters belong to the one and only Stephenie Meyer.

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The Present  
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BPOV

I can feel the letter now, weighing me down. I wanted to burn it along with Edward but I've always found it impossible to stay angry at him. I kept it as a reminder. I'm more angry at myself now though. How could I have done that to Jasper? Was it really only two minutes ago that I let him know how I felt? That horrible screaming…  
I need to forget. I need to think. I need to remember… please.

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Past  
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I picked the letter up with trembling hands. I didn't want to read it. It had a light blue envelope with dark blue ink spelling out my name. _Mrs Isabella Cullen._ Somehow _Isabella_ didn't fit with the handwriting. The perfect, elegant script of Edward Cullen.  
Blue. His voice echoed in my head, like it used to when I was about to do something dangerous:  
_"I like that colour on you."_  
Such a simple statement, yet it confused me so much. How could he rip me apart like this? Jasper was looking at me again. Always worried, overprotective.  
I couldn't bear it any longer. Ever so carefully, I opened the envelope.

_  
Isabella,  
I am truly sorry for having to put this so bluntly, but I don't have much time before someone notices what is going on.  
I don't love you. I have never loved you. You intrigued me, with your silent mind. I wanted to see how you would turn out as a vampire. You were my experiment, as was Renesmee. Did you really think I would risk the life of someone truly loved by doing such a thing? You were so caught up in your wonderful world of true love. Do you really think that a man who thought he had no soul could believe he was in love?  
Alice has taught me that you only need to love and you have a soul. But I did not, no, do not, love you. I'm sorry, Bells. I just can't lie any more. If I have ever know you, you will recover quickly. Like you did when I left you the first time. You still have Jacob. Keep him close – he is a true friend to you. I can't come back – just forget me and move on. Find another. Carry on living.  
Yours sincerely,  
Mr E Cullen._

_PS – Would you like to get an official divorce or just forget we were ever married?_

_PPS – Alice wants to write something:_  
**_Bella,  
I love you. You will always be my closest friend. And I'm sorry that we had to do it this way, but I love Edward more than anyone can ever imagine. That is the one thing we share. But I love you as well. Please don't be mad at Edward – he has never liked being the way we are, even more than we all though. He was jealous of Carlisle's self control and wanted to prove that he was just as good. I am so sorry that he chose to use you to prove it. It was completely unacceptable of him but I hope you and everyone else will be able to forgive him one day. He didn't realise what he was doing.  
All my love,  
Alice xx_**

The letter fell from my fingers. I didn't notice. _Edward didn't love me. _How could he have done that? I thought he loved me! Then he threw it all back in my face. I started crying, loud, tearless, angry sobs. I would recover would I?_ "Like you did when I left you the first time."_ He promised he wouldn't do that again! And yeah, Jake was a good mate but Renesmee was almost fully-grown and had so much trouble around humans. Jake had enough on his hands with her. He didn't need, wouldn't want, me as well. I was alone. The sobbing started again, but I was only just aware that is was coming from my own mouth. How could he?

Jazz ran over and read the letter. He paused. Then, very slowly and gently, he lifted me up in his arms and walked towards the sofa. We stayed there all night, wrapped in each others arms and our own sorrows. I heard Jasper's quiet, tearless sobs long after mine had subsided. We had both just lost two family members in a matter of minutes. It would not all be better in the morning.

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_Sorry it's so short - I just wanted to get the letter into the story  
And the ending was a bit iffy but I couldn't think of anything else. Sorry._

_Please review!!!_

_If you don't I'll cry (and stop writing)_

_PS - thanks red :) I've almost decided what's actually going to happen now lol_

_PPS - If anyone wants me to add anything into the story just ask :) Your wish is my command *waves magic wand/baseball bat*  
_


	4. The blushing Rose

_Ok so this is a bit of a dull chapter =[  
I realised that I hadn't included the rest of the family and I felt guilty. And I wanted to make Rose make sense cos I've never thought of her as truly evil, just a bit misunderstood.  
Everyone STILL belongs to Stephanie Meyer =[ (She can have Edward though - horrible guy. I just have a huuuuuuuge crush on Jasper. I want him)  
Thanks to everyone for all their support. Especially you, Red =] Just thought I'd take this opportunity to say what a great friend you are  
(I'm feeling a bit sentimental today)  
So... yeah. Enjoy and review :)_

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The Past  
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Carlisle and Esme came home the next morning. They had said they were too old to party and would "leave you young 'uns in peace".  
They walked through the door with huge grins on their faces. It was odd, but Carlisle's presence lightened the whole room, and made the whole situation seem much better. He stopped about two paces into the room and looked at us. I suddenly realised that I was still on Jasper's lap, and I edged myself off slowly.  
"Bella, what-"  
"Please don't ask, Carlisle." Jasper said in a quiet voice, coming to my rescue. Again. "I'll tell you later. As for you, love," He turned to me, and Carlisle's eyebrow twitched. "You can go hunting. You need to get out and be alone. Go on. I love you." He rose from the sofa and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.  
As I left the house, I heard Esme's voice.  
"Where's Edward?"

I screamed. I couldn't help myself.  
"Bella!" Cried Esme and Carlisle in unison. They got up to follow me, but Jasper stopped them. He told them I needed some space and time to think. I think he knew even then everything I was going to do. He didn't object. Why should he?  
I ran as hard and as far as I could, not really knowing where I was going until I stopped outside Rosalie and Emmett's new house. They had just got married and moved out. Again. They never tired of being young lovers.  
I hammered the door, only just managing not to blow it off it's hinges.  
"Rosalie!" I screamed "Emmett!"  
To my surprise, the door flew open and Rosalie swept me into a huge hug. I couldn't understand – Rosalie hated me!  
"Please call me Rose," she murmured "Everyone else does." There was a long silence, but I don't think either of us thought of breaking the contact.  
"He's gone." I whispered eventually. Those two words pained me so much that I had to break off the hug and fold my arms around my chest to keep the hole from ripping me apart. Rose understood – she just left me there for a while so I could manage to compose myself and stand up again. I handed her the letter. She read it just once, then handed it back. She hesitated a moment, then all her words came rushing out in a hurry, almost too fast for me to understand.  
"Bella I'm so sorry! I always thought he would do something like this. Why else would I have been so terrible to you? That's why Edward didn't like me – I was trying to scare you away!"  
And that was all it took to make me love Rosalie Hale as a true sister.

When Emmett found out he went… well, mad, I suppose. I hate to call Em mad, but it is the only word I can think of. A lot of foul language was used, and the only thing I could think at the time was how good it was I didn't have our daughter with me. Our daughter. The experiment.  
"That *******!!! How could he do this to you Bella? That is so ******* ****! I can't believe this! **** am I angry! Serioulsly! WHY?!? That unthinking, selfish pile of pig ****!!!" And so it went on. I wasn't really paying attention but then something he said made my head snap up.  
"What did you say?" Em looked up, bewildered. "Emmett, tell me. What did you just say?"  
"Umm…" He wasn't quite sure what I was getting at. But I'd heard it.  
"Forget it, Emmett." I muttered sourly, already heading for the door. I'd almost completely forgotten that Rose was there until she spoke.  
"Umm… Bella? Where are you going?" I shrugged. How should I know? Rosalie seemed to take a deep breath to encourage herself, and then said: "Well, in that case, you won't mind if we go for a walk together."  
Her words froze all three of us, but once I'd got over the initial shock, I realised that it was probably quite a good idea. I nodded weakly, not able to speak. Rose walked slowly up to me, took my hand and ran through the forest with me. Neither of us spared Emmett a backward glance.

We ran in silence for a while, then Rose stopped abruptly and pulled me round to face her. Her topaz eyes bore into mine, reminding me of _him_ so much that I had to look away.  
"OK." She said. "I think I understand – no eye contact, right?" I nodded, too embarassed to speak.  
"Nothing personal." I muttered, "It's just…" My voice deserted me.  
"Hey," Rose comforted me. I had to do a double take. Rose? Comforting _me_? "Honestly, I wouldn't mind if it was. Oh Bella! I've been so rotten! I'm s-"  
"Don't say it!" I interrupted her, and we both laughed. Then she asked the one question I had been dreading – what Emmett had said. "It was nothing really." I mumbled.  
"Oh, Bella, stop being such a damn fool! You know you're a terrible actress! Just spit it out, and whatever it is I'll help you. I owe you for over six and a half years of grief. Surely it can't need more help than that?"  
"He-" I paused, not sure how to say it? Deciding to say it straight out, I squared my shoulders and turned towards her defiantly. "He asked whether Edward would get Renesmee."

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_Yeah, so... a bit of a filler chapter I'm afraid. My writing style slipped up and went a teeny bit rubbish but oh well =S  
_

_I think the next one might be quite sad because I'm writing it at the moment (I go very slowly in case you hadn't noticed. Not my fault! Blame it on the genes!) and life isn't great so... I'm going to make the characters suffer along with me. I like being evil to fictional characters =] Should that worry me?!  
Everyone go away now and read **The Red Tail**'s stories! (Not Twilight, I'm afraid, but still AMAZING)_

_And **REVIEW**, people, **REVIEW!!!!!**  
_


	5. Charlie

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The Present  
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I've been sitting here staring into space for an hour. Jasper's starting to look worried. I'm not sure if I care. Mind you, he at least understands me. He didn't think I was going mad. Not even when I went to see Charlie and tell him what had happened. Three and a half years after he died.

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The Past  
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It was the day after I talked to Rose, and we were now the best of friends. Even though they weren't actually related, there seemed to be millions of similarities between the Hales. Everyone in the house was in a state of shock. I was sitting on the sofa with Rosalie's head on my lap and fiddling idly with her hair. Esme was sitting next to me and I rested my head against her as she put her arm around my shoulders. I realised how… in the centre I was, whilst Jasper was sitting alone in the corner. A sudden wave of guilt swept over me – had he not just lost his partner too? He smiled sadly at me, his eyes meeting mine, and covered the room in contentedness. He wouldn't allow me to feel upset or guilty whilst he was around.  
Carlisle was at work – Jazz said he couldn't cope with his own emotions. He was furious at Edward and Alice because he loved me and Jasper so much, but he loved them as well. Guilt was involved as well, of course – Carlisle always blamed things on himself so he didn't have to blame someone else. He knew that Edward had been trying to beat him, and thought it was his fault for being so good. But he didn't think he was good, exactly, just different. It took me a while to understand all of this, so maybe it was just taking Carlisle a while as well.  
"He's blaming himself too much." Esme said, still staring towards the door he had left by.

It suddenly occurred to me how comfortable and friendly this scene would look to an outsider – the leader of the family out at a respectable job and the rest snuggling up on the sofa. Thinking of familes reminded me of Charlie… I needed to speak to him.  
I lurched, almost drunkenly, off the sofa. The urge to see my father suddenly consumed my mind, like an invisible chain dragging me out the door. Charile and I had never had a parent and child relationship – it was more… friendly, I suppose. We didn't speak much, especially not about things such as love and relationships, but I felt like I could talk to him and always get a calm, rational response. Well, almost always. I smiled sadly, remembering the day we'd told him we were getting married.

It wasn't until Rose spoke that I remembered I wasn't alone.  
"Bella?" She asked quietly, "Are you OK?"  
"I-" Pausing, I tried desperately to re-arrange my jumbled thoughts, "I have to go and see Charlie." Then I ran.

JPOV

Poor Bells. She really wasn't coping well. I watched her run out of the door, and stretched my hand out towards where she had been. I wanted so much to help her but there was nothing I could do. What use was I? I've never felt so hopeless in all my existence.  
I wanted nothing more than to explain to her that she shouldn't feel bad for me – I'd known it was coming for a while. I was prepared.  
"Jasper," Esme almost whispered, "When was the last time Bella saw her father? What if she's forgotten?"  
"She won't have forgotten, Esme." I reassured her, "She just doesn't want to remember. Let her go and talk to him – she needs someone to listen to her without judging"

Three and a half years ago, Charlie was diagnosed with prostate cancer. They were both devastated – Bella for obvious reasons, and Charlie because he wasn't fit enough to carry on working. Even accidentally biting his tongue drained him – it took forever to stop the bleeding. Our family supported them both, naturally, but Charlie is just like Bells – he needs his independence.  
Then came the terrible part. We got a phone call one Tuesday night from Charlie. He had moved in with the Clearwaters after Bella had left him again. He had been having treatment for a year, but he had just been to see someone who had told him it wasn't working. They said they could radio and/or chemotherapy, but even then he had a year. One short year of life.  
In that year we saw very little of Bella – she was spending as much time as she possibly could with her father. The purely yellow, happy atmosphere that had drawn me to her in her first few years of immortality had completely vanished. It had been replaced by dark purple,, black and deep red. Anger, grief and fear.  
A couple of days after the call, Bella went to Charlie's on her own. She told him what we were. Charlie surprised us all by saying he had guessed a while ago, but thought we'd have quite strict rules on secrecy. When Bella offered to change him, he refused.  
"I'm not stupid, Bells. I've read about your kind as much as I can – I wanted to be sure of what you were. To be honest, three days of agony isn't worth saving my life, and I would much rather die peacefully in my bed one night than be torn apart and burned by bloodthirsty vampires."

Bella was devastated, but like the rest of us, she could see his point. There was no peaceful way of 'dying' when you were a vampire. We were all going to be ripped apart someday. Charlie knew that, and he had made a well informed choice. Luckily for Carlisle, it wasn't him that had been treating Charlie. I don't think Bells would have been too pleased with him if it was.

In theory, Charlie came to live with us. I say in theory because he and Bella were rarely in the house. She always came back much calmer than she was when she left – being with Charlie had much the same effect as holding Renesmee once had.  
Inevitably, after his year was up, Charlie slipped away in his sleep. We all heard his heart stop. Bella was upset, but a tiny portion of her was relieved as well. Charlie was finally at peace. R.I.P. Charlie – you'll forever be in our frozen hearts.


	6. Confession

_Ok so this is a bit of a dull chapter =[  
I realised that I hadn't included the rest of the family and I felt guilty. And I wanted to make Rose make sense cos I've never thought of her as truly evil, just a bit misunderstood.  
Everyone STILL belongs to Stephanie Meyer =[ (She can have Edward though - horrible guy. I just have a huuuuuuuge crush on Jasper. I want him)  
Thanks to everyone for all their support. Especially you, Red =] Just thought I'd take this opportunity to say what a great friend you are  
(I'm feeling a bit sentimental today)  
So... yeah. Enjoy and review :)_

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The Past  
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Carlisle and Esme came home the next morning. They had said they were too old to party and would "leave you young 'uns in peace".  
They walked through the door with huge grins on their faces. It was odd, but Carlisle's presence lightened the whole room, and made the whole situation seem much better. He stopped about two paces into the room and looked at us. I suddenly realised that I was still on Jasper's lap, and I edged myself off slowly.  
"Bella, what-"  
"Please don't ask, Carlisle." Jasper said in a quiet voice, coming to my rescue. Again. "I'll tell you later. As for you, love," He turned to me, and Carlisle's eyebrow twitched. "You can go hunting. You need to get out and be alone. Go on. I love you." He rose from the sofa and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.  
As I left the house, I heard Esme's voice.  
"Where's Edward?"

I screamed. I couldn't help myself.  
"Bella!" Cried Esme and Carlisle in unison. They got up to follow me, but Jasper stopped them. He told them I needed some space and time to think. I think he knew even then everything I was going to do. He didn't object. Why should he?  
I ran as hard and as far as I could, not really knowing where I was going until I stopped outside Rosalie and Emmett's new house. They had just got married and moved out. Again. They never tired of being young lovers.  
I hammered the door, only just managing not to blow it off it's hinges.  
"Rosalie!" I screamed "Emmett!"  
To my surprise, the door flew open and Rosalie swept me into a huge hug. I couldn't understand – Rosalie hated me!  
"Please call me Rose," she murmured "Everyone else does." There was a long silence, but I don't think either of us thought of breaking the contact.  
"He's gone." I whispered eventually. Those two words pained me so much that I had to break off the hug and fold my arms around my chest to keep the hole from ripping me apart. Rose understood – she just left me there for a while so I could manage to compose myself and stand up again. I handed her the letter. She read it just once, then handed it back. She hesitated a moment, then all her words came rushing out in a hurry, almost too fast for me to understand.  
"Bella I'm so sorry! I always thought he would do something like this. Why else would I have been so terrible to you? That's why Edward didn't like me – I was trying to scare you away!"  
And that was all it took to make me love Rosalie Hale as a true sister.

When Emmett found out he went… well, mad, I suppose. I hate to call Em mad, but it is the only word I can think of. A lot of foul language was used, and the only thing I could think at the time was how good it was I didn't have our daughter with me. Our daughter. The experiment.  
"That *******!!! How could he do this to you Bella? That is so ******* ****! I can't believe this! **** am I angry! Serioulsly! WHY?!? That unthinking, selfish pile of pig ****!!!" And so it went on. I wasn't really paying attention but then something he said made my head snap up.  
"What did you say?" Em looked up, bewildered. "Emmett, tell me. What did you just say?"  
"Umm…" He wasn't quite sure what I was getting at. But I'd heard it.  
"Forget it, Emmett." I muttered sourly, already heading for the door. I'd almost completely forgotten that Rose was there until she spoke.  
"Umm… Bella? Where are you going?" I shrugged. How should I know? Rosalie seemed to take a deep breath to encourage herself, and then said: "Well, in that case, you won't mind if we go for a walk together."  
Her words froze all three of us, but once I'd got over the initial shock, I realised that it was probably quite a good idea. I nodded weakly, not able to speak. Rose walked slowly up to me, took my hand and ran through the forest with me. Neither of us spared Emmett a backward glance.

We ran in silence for a while, then Rose stopped abruptly and pulled me round to face her. Her topaz eyes bore into mine, reminding me of _him_ so much that I had to look away.  
"OK." She said. "I think I understand – no eye contact, right?" I nodded, too embarassed to speak.  
"Nothing personal." I muttered, "It's just…" My voice deserted me.  
"Hey," Rose comforted me. I had to do a double take. Rose? Comforting _me_? "Honestly, I wouldn't mind if it was. Oh Bella! I've been so rotten! I'm s-"  
"Don't say it!" I interrupted her, and we both laughed. Then she asked the one question I had been dreading – what Emmett had said. "It was nothing really." I mumbled.  
"Oh, Bella, stop being such a damn fool! You know you're a terrible actress! Just spit it out, and whatever it is I'll help you. I owe you for over six and a half years of grief. Surely it can't need more help than that?"  
"He-" I paused, not sure how to say it? Deciding to say it straight out, I squared my shoulders and turned towards her defiantly. "He asked whether Edward would get Renesmee."

* * *

_Yeah, so... a bit of a filler chapter I'm afraid. My writing style slipped up and went a teeny bit rubbish but oh well =S  
_

_I think the next one might be quite sad because I'm writing it at the moment (I go very slowly in case you hadn't noticed. Not my fault! Blame it on the genes!) and life isn't great so... I'm going to make the characters suffer along with me. I like being evil to fictional characters =] Should that worry me?!  
Everyone go away now and read **The Red Tail**'s stories! (Not Twilight, I'm afraid, but still AMAZING)_

_And **REVIEW**, people, **REVIEW!!!!!**  
_


	7. Vision

_Ok, sorry it's taken so long! I've had this for weeks now but keep forgetting to update! Sorry :(  
I thought I'd do an APOV... you've gotta love Alice  
And sorry if there are any spelling or grammar errors - I can't quite be bothered to check it!_

_Special thanks go to, as always, **The Red Tail **and **Little Miss optimistic **for being so helpful. Don't know how I'd get through double ceramics without you!  
A special mention also goes to **xAllyCullenx **for being so kind to a randomly obsessed stranger_ =]

_So... that's about it. Enjoy... and REVIEW!_

_Oops... forgot the disclaimer: Bear blood is red,  
Prom dresses are blue,  
I don't own Twilight,  
But neither do you! [insert evil laugh here]_

_

* * *

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
The Present  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

APOV

So… where is this? It's all sort of… white. OMG! THERE'S A CLEARANCE STORE!!! It must be heaven. Thank you Aro!!!!! Uh-oh. Did I really just say that?  
Look - Edward! OK, so maybe every female (and the occasional male) teenager has said that since 1918, but it's true! He's smiling. That cute little crooked smile that Bella loved so much. I stretch out my hand, and he does the same, acting like a mirror. Our hands meet, and I feel a huge grin spreading across my face.  
"Missed you." I sigh. He looks into my eyes for a while, then murmurs: "Missed you more." There is a cheeky glint in his eye and a smile in his voice. The corner of his lip twitches and the moment is so perfect I never want it to end. But all great things must come to pass, and I eventually decide to break the silence. It could have lasted minutes or years – time has no grip on us in this place. Already it seems like paradise.  
I lace my fingers through his, look down at the ground, embarrassed and whisper:  
"Bella?" He knows what I mean.  
"Yeah. You knew?" I nod, not daring to talk. I'm so ashamed – what if I could have stopped it from happening? He gently lifts my chin up with his finger and looks deep into my eyes. "It wasn't your fault – you shouldn't be ashamed. We're together now, and that is all we need." Damn mind reading. I'd completely forgotten.  
But I still could have told him, I still knew… Edward Cullen does not exist on the Earth any more, and I could have prevented his destruction.  
"No," he whispers, "It wasn't you."  
"Just let me show you," I say "Then you'll see."  
He starts to object, so I gently pinch his lips together with my thumb and forefinger, open my mind as much as I can and start to remember…

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
The Past  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

We ran for hours, on a sudden high after getting away without being noticed. I felt awful for leaving Jasper and Bella like that, but to be honest I don't think there is an easy way for a married woman to admit having an affair with her also married adoptive brother! My whole existence seemed to be turning into one big soap opera.  
Suddenly, an image of Bella scrawling my name across a piece of paper flashed across my vision. I snatched at the image before it could get away and focused on it.

_**Alice,** she writes,  
**Hope this gets through to you – I would have phoned but I wasn't sure you'd want to talk to me. I don't hate you. You are still my best friend in the entire world and nothing can change that. Well… maybe Mike. **  
She chuckles softly to herself, and I notice Jasper leaning over her shoulder looking at the words. He looks startled when she laughs.  
"That's better," He murmurs into her ear. "You haven't laughed in a while."  
It upset me, hearing that. I never wanted to upset either of them.  
He kisses her ear lobe and she twists around in his arms to look up at his face. A familiar crease materialises between her eyes, and she says grumpily:  
"Later. I'm busy at the moment, can't you see?" He smiles a special smile. My smile.  
**Sorry about that. Honestly – Jazz does pick his moments! OK, I do need to get serious now. Sorry in advance. She sighs. I seem to be spending a lot of my time saying that now. I have tried not being mad at Edward. Didn't work, sorry. I'll never forgive him – he tore our family apart. You should have seen Renesmee. Until you've seen what a state she was in you can't judge me or my decision. You can tell him if you want. Edward Cullen is no longer my problem. You can also tell him that neither of his options seemed suitable to me. He'll know what I mean.**  
Her expression is completely businesslike. Apart from that mischievous glint that has just come into her eye. Boy, have I missed that. Wonder what she's planning?  
**You could, however, remind him that our vows are only effective 'as long as we both shall live'. If he doesn't come up with a reasonable explanation as to why he did all of that to me, why he used me, then that method of separation might not be a bad idea. There's no point signing this. You know who I am.**_

The vision ended there and I was surprised at the bitterness of the end of her letter. It was at moments like this that I missed my human years. If I was human I would have been crying. Someone once told me that there was something very soothing and comforting about a good cry. Feeling all your grief pour out of you and down your face, feeling it leaving.  
Vampires don't cry. I remember nothing of being human. And at that moment I just wanted to let it all out, but I couldn't. I don't even know if I ever have cried, or whether I have missed out completely on that experience. How very frustrating.

I felt a cool breath brush across my hair, ruffling it slightly. Deciding to keep what I had seen to myself, no matter what Bella had said, I stuck out my tongue at my 'attacker'. Then came the obvious question: "What did you see, Pixie?" OK, 'Pixie' was unexpected. And uncalled for. I thumped him in the stomach.  
"You know my height is a very sensitive subject, Eddie! As for what I saw, _Ginger,_" I paused, then felt an evil grin creeping slowly onto my face. "That is completely my business. Butt out." Winking quickly, I turned away from his protests.  
"I'm going to hunt so…" Suddenly, I jumped at him and playfully pinned him to the sofa. "You can just keep your _Ginger_ head right… there!" I shoved his face into a cushion, laughing like a five year old beating their dad up.  
Seriously though, I did need to get out. I couldn't pretend any longer. The pain would kill me – I needed to think.  
"About what, my love?" Edward lifted his head to peer at me.  
Shit.  
Knew there was a reason for not thinking about it here. His angelic face grew puzzled. "Alice, what's going on?"  
I let the image of Bella's face when we'd first left break through all the carefully constructed Anti-Edward barriers in my mind, smashing them all and leaving rubble in its wake.  
"Sorry." I whispered, a lump in my throat.  
"Alice…" he choked.  
"Gotta go. Thirsty. Bye." I muttered stiffly, barely able to control the sobs treatenening to burst out of me. Then, feeling guilty, I whispered:  
"I love you."

* * *

Aww the end made me sad :(  
But maybe that's just me being to sensitive...

So remember... Read ALL of the stories by **The Red Tail**, **Little Miss optimistic **and **xAllyCullenx**!  
AND REVIEW!!!


	8. AN Sorry but it's important

Sorry! I know no-one likes authors notes but this is kinda necessary.

I'm considering deleting this story. I'm completely stuck and judging by the amount of reviews I've had it's obviously not that popular so...  
If you really want me to carry on writing then **review** but it you don't then don't bother. So... yeah. That's it, I think.

Bye for now,  
Spex.


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